Thursday, March 15, 2012

Testing the promise

I recently took the James study by Beth Moore at Stone Church. In the seventh session she talked about rain and how rain is a sign of the blessing, the outpouring, the word of the Lord. Here is the verse she was teaching out of:

James 5:7-11 God's Word Translation (GW)
"Brothers and sisters, be patient until the Lord comes again. See how farmers wait for their precious crops to grow. They wait patiently for fall and spring rains. You, too, must be patient. Don't give up hope. The Lord will soon be here."

Beth talked about how we will all experience a series of rains throughout our faith/our lives. It is our job to understand the law of the harvest and know what season we are in (times for sowing and times for reaping, Ecclesiastes 3:1-3). God's calling or word for us is irrevocable according to Romans 8:28. When God gives a word to us (a rain), the word must be tested to prove it's value, it's validity. When Beth shared this revelation, it brought so much healing to my heart.

When my husband, Brandon and I were trying to conceive, we prayed that it would be the Lord's will for us to bear children. I believed that the Lord had called me to be a natural mother and I often dreamed about what children He would bring to us. I knew so strongly that I would be a mom that when I did conceive, I felt immense gratitude and overwhelming love for the Lord and His gift of not just one, but two baby girls. The Lord revealed to me in Luke 1:14, "He [They] will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his [their] birth" as a verse I could pray over my girls as a promise for me as their mom and for them.

To my surprise, when the girl's arrived I was soon attacked with anxiety, depression, fear, and guilt among many tremendous negative thoughts and feelings. I questioned the Lord's promise to me as revealed in Luke. I didn't feel full of joy and I didn't have time to delight in them as I was in survival mode almost 24/7. I thought I was being ungrateful because of all of these feelings. The Lord began to reveal to me that my problem was hormonal as well as an attack from the enemy. I had to change my prescription and begin renewing my mind and noticing that when the enemy was attacking my thoughts, I had to defend myself with the word of God.

When I heard Beth Moore speak on this at the study, I realized that God's promise/calling for me as a mom has been tested in this season. The Lord allowed this testing to prove my value, my faith.

"Here is the sobering truth about the nature of trials in the life of righteous persons, that God allows them to be tested in order to prove their faith...In some ways their endurance proves the Lord's boast in them" Kurt A. Richardson

God has called me to be the mother of my beautiful girls, sunshiney Audrey and curious Gracie - I am a blessed mama.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart and being so open and honest on your blog. I went back and read some of your posts. God used your words to inspire a deeper faith within me. Life is hard and we have real emotions/feelings, but how we respond to them and Him is what matters. Thank you for your transparency and giving Him all the glory!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I guess I should tell you that sara b is sara from RCS in the kitchen :)

    ReplyDelete